Today we meet a new character: Rand Hart. He is the main character in a new story I’m writing. My intention for the Eight Sentence Sunday is to simply put out for review and comment successive 8 sentence snippets of the first chapter of the story.
The time is Friday, 6 May 1938. Hart is aboard the Hindenburg, playing poker. He is a professional gambler. For those who know a bit about the Hindenburg, you will have already caught the initial alternative history element: the Hindenburg was destroyed by fire on 6 May 1937.
Without further adieu, here is Rand Hart:
Rand Hart couldn’t imagine what the German’s hand was. He was looking at four jacks. Certainly the possibility existed the fellow had something better, but that possibility was slim. Very slim.
The last round of betting saw the other American fold. Now only Helmut von Osler and he remained at the table. The chips in the center represented over twenty-three thousand dollars. Hart ran through the probability tables in his mind.
To be continued!
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Hey, I like your idea of posting pieces of the first chapter. I may do the same thing with Ombretta’s story… if and when I’ll write it.
Is this the hook?
If it is, Ithink it can be a lot stronger. Maybe, instead of describing what’s happening, you could give me Hart’s sensation. Like, is he nervous? Do his finger move restlessy? Does he sweat? Or is he cool? How does he express his coolness in this tense situation?
I think this kind of impression woudl help me get into the story in a dipper way and sooner.
Thanks for the suggestions, JazzFeathers! I appreciate them. I have them filed away for when I do the editing!